By Christopher Paul Jones, Harley Street phobia expert and author of ‘Face your Fears – 7 steps to conquering phobias and anxiety’
So many people say they suffer with anxiety. It’s discussed constantly in the media, in workplaces and on social media. In some ways it’s almost become a badge people wear, yet very few people really understand how it works, what causes it, or indeed how to change it.
After working for many years as a Harley Street fear, phobia and anxiety specialist, I’ve found there are some very effective ways to help people shift how they respond. One of the quickest and most useful tools I’ve come across is something called anchoring.
Before we get to that, though, it helps to understand what anxiety actually is.
One of the biggest misconceptions about anxiety is that it says something about your character. People often assume that if they were just braver, stronger or more confident, they wouldn’t feel it.
But the truth is, anxiety has nothing to do with how brave or intelligent you are. It is much more often a learned reflex. A conditioned response. And trying to think your way out of it often doesn’t help, because emotions don’t follow logic.
The foundations of this idea go back to Russian physiologist Ivan Pavlov in the early 1900s. Pavlov ran a series of experiments where he would ring a bell and then feed a dog. Bell, then food. Bell, then food. After repeating this enough times, the dogs began to salivate at the sound of the bell, even when no food appeared.
The bell had become a trigger. The brain had learned the association.
When we face something uncertain or threatening, information races to a part of the brain called the amygdala. The amygdala acts like an alarm system. Its job is to scan for danger and prepare the body to respond. If it thinks something is a threat, it can kick off the fight, flight or freeze response in a split second.
That means your heart rate increases, your breathing changes, your muscles tense and your body gets ready for action. Only afterwards does the more logical part of the mind start catching up.
Neuroscientist Joseph LeDoux, who has done extensive work on the brain’s fear circuitry, showed that emotional responses can happen before conscious thought has fully processed what is going on. In other words, the body can react first and the thinking mind arrives later.
That is why anxiety can feel so automatic. And it’s also why people can feel silly or frustrated by it. They know logically that they’re not in danger, but their body is responding as if they are.
The good news is that we are not only conditioned negatively. While we can be anchored positively or negatively, most of the time these associations happen without us even being aware of them. The exciting part is that we can also create our own positive conditioning deliberately. And that is where anchoring comes in.
What you want to do first is think of a time when you felt very relaxed. Maybe you were sitting on a beach, maybe you were in nature, or maybe it was just that lovely moment before you went to sleep.
Go fully to that time.
See what you saw.
Hear what you heard.
Feel what you felt.
Turn up the volume on it a little. Double it. Really let yourself step into that sense of calmness and ease.
Then, at the peak of that feeling, squeeze your thumb and forefinger together.
Hold that for as long as you can stay in that feeling.
The second the feeling begins to fade, let go.
Now do it again.
This time think of a time when you felt very loving or connected. Maybe looking into the eyes of someone you love. Maybe watching your children play. Maybe holding a pet. Maybe being with family or friends.
Go fully into that moment.
See what you saw. Hear what you heard. Feel what you felt.
And at the peak of that experience, squeeze your thumb and forefinger together again in exactly the same way.
Then do it with another emotion.
Think of a time you couldn’t stop laughing. Really go there. Feel it properly. Build it up. At the peak, squeeze your fingers together.
Then perhaps think of a time when you felt very confident or very safe. Again, step into it fully and at the peak, squeeze your fingers together.
You can do this with as many positive emotions as you want.
Now test it.
Clear your mind for a moment. Then squeeze your fingers together in exactly the same way, with the same pressure.
Done right, just like Pavlov’s bell, it should start sending you back to those positive emotions.
Then, in future, whenever you start to feel anxious, use it immediately.
Don’t wait for the feeling to build.
The second you notice it rising, squeeze your fingers together in exactly the same way and fire off that motion.
If the anchor is strong enough, it should take out or at least neutralise much of the emotional charge before it snowballs.
And from there you can keep building it.
Whenever you have five minutes, you can repeat the process and strengthen the anchor. Even better, whenever you are genuinely in a moment of love, calm, confidence or happiness, squeeze your fingers together and anchor that real feeling in.
Over time, it becomes like carrying a button for calmness, confidence and happiness with you. And whenever unhelpful emotions or thoughts begin to show up, you can press that button.
The key thing to remember is that anxiety isn’t a flaw in your character. It’s a pattern your brain learned while trying to protect you.
That’s the real power behind techniques like anchoring. They work with the brain’s natural wiring rather than fighting against it. And once you realise your emotions are not fixed, and that you do not simply have to live with them, everything starts to shift.
You may find that situations which once felt overwhelming begin to feel manageable. Not because you forced yourself through them, but because your mind learned a different response.
And that gives you something incredibly valuable: the sense that you can start taking control back.
Find out more about anchoring here:
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Christopher Paul Jones is a leading Harley Street phobia expert and author of ‘Face your Fears’. Having overcome his own phobias, and conducted 20+ years of research across Europe, North America and Asia, Christopher has developed an integrated approach combining mainstream psychology with cutting edge techniques: The Integrated Change System™. The system aims to change the mind’s danger response and leave people free and happy to enjoy things they once found terrifying. A fear, anxiety or phobia can be cured in as little as a session. Christopher’s clients come from all over the world and include Hollywood actors and Oscar nominees, models, musicians, presenters and celebrities. His latest book ‘Face your Fears’ has been translated into multiple languages.
See Christopher in action curing a spider phobia:
